my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
