he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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