im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
