Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
