I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
