dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
