one two three fourrrrnication!
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
