He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
