You really coming over, don't trick.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Sober January is a disaster.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
