I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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