It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
