you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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