he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
