I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
