i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
