I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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