Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
