if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
