I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize