i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You need a sexual gate keeper
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
