remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
