Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
