dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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