Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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