well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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