her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
