Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
