he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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