you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I am mentally ready for anal.
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