I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
