Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
