oh god the rape fog is back!
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
