Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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