she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
