Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
