Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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