i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
