wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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