never play flip cup with pint glasses
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
There r osticjed everywhere
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
