masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
