The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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