Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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