Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize