You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
