it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
