So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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