you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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