I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I could fuck to npr.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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