I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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