apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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