I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
