I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
