apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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