Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
