Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
