i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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