I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
