i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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