everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
