Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
