You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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