I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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