You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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