make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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