Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
