I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You can't just leave with hair like that
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize