i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
