woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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