i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Dignity is for republicans.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize