in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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