i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
