We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize