What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Randomize
