Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
