Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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