started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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