And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I can text with my tongue
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
