i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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