I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
